i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
PANTIES FOUND
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