I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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