Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
