How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
