Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
