just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
