So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
