I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
