ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize