There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
