I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
