Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
