So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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