You're completely useless in the revolution.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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