haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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