i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
