Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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