I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I believe in your delicious
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
