I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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