you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
