you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
