I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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