Princesses don't give blow jobs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
