Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
