that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
