also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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