rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize