Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
