I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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