Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
