K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
