he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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