I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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