my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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