weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
