I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
