I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
