Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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