There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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