I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
