I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
