I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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