Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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