idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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