He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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