summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
