I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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