i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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