You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
