I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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