if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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