I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
