I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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