So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
