Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
