if i can run in heels then i can drive
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
