wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
