Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
