I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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