please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
