things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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