he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
