Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
3pm strippers are depressing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
