And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
