nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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