Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
