i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
