They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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