sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
